Welcome to my blog...

Prepare yourself for the roller coaster ride of emotions... Be forewarned, this site is my vent site... I cannot be held responsible for what may be said on this blog. Often it's just little tidbits of useless information, but occassionally a wobbler post slips in and all my feelings are revealed. Sometimes they are sweet, sad or cheerful.... but oh when they aren't... well just let me go ahead and apologize now. lol What did you expect?

Monday, September 24, 2007

Monday, September 24, 2007

Life is just happening right now. I have said before that life is what happens while you're busy making other plans. Well that is exactly how I feel right now. It's funny you spend all this time planning things and it doesn't matter what you plan, chances are it's not going to work out like you had hoped, imagined, planned, etc... I had planned to have a decent job by now... well that hasn't happened. I had planned for Zac to still be in the US... that didn't happen either. I had planned on many things, yet none of them went as planned... so in other words... life happened. It has been over a month since I last blogged on blogger. Zac left for Afghanistan Saturday. He has made it there safely, but still has one more flight to catch before he gets to his actual destination. I was able to talk to him briefly this morning, then my messenger messed up and I could not see the messages. I have os much to say and so many emotions to convey, I do not even know where to begin. I am happy because I am totally happy for the first time in many parts of my life, yet at the same time other parts of my life are lacking that feeling. I have hurt my mom so much and that hurts me. I love her more than she could ever know and I know that no matter how much I try to show her or try to convey the depth of my love to her, she will never know. I feel like such a failure. I just don't know what else to do. The job outlook is still shady, the money is still non-existent and to top it all off... I feel like my mom hates me. Ok so she doesn't hate me, but she doesn't like me very much right now. I can't really say that I blame her. I want to do things right and not screw my life up again, but it seems like every time things start looking a little brighter a huge storm comes my way. I just feel like I am the world's biggest screw up most days lately. This is not the path I chose for my life- well I guess it is indirectly, but not exactly what I had envisioned or imagined. Hopefully all of that will change soon and I will have my act together.

On a more positive note- Zac and I are great. I miss him so much and he hasn't even been gone 48 hours yet. I am so thankful that he took some time off work before leaving. We were able to spend a good bit of time together and just really enjoy each other’s company, which had always been on a schedule before. It’s amazing how truly blessed I have been in the short 5 months of being with Zachry. God has just shown His love time and time again. Zac and I are so much alike it is unreal at times. It' also amazingly cool. This last week, we went on a 150 mile bike ride through the Georgia mountains. That was really fun. Then we went to the fair on Thursday and pigged out on everything. I got sick on one of the rides- which has never happened before, but it just made some memories. After we left the fair, we had just gotten in the truck and reached in the abck seat and handed me a box. It had a beautiful bracelet in there. It was originally supposed to be my birthday present, but he decided to go ahead and give it to me as a combo anniversary/birthday gift. He figured that I would have rather have it directly from him, than given to me after he was gone. However, that was a very nice thought that he was thinking that far ahead in his planning. Anyway, Friday we had dinner with the family and then we went for ice cream. Saturday was the day he left, so not much happened that day. We brught Lacy down to Roanoke, then headed back to Dallas for him to finish packing. Anyway, I was able to talk to him briefly on messenger this morning and maybe I will get to talk more later. I guess I need to get busy cleaning now, but I will try and blog more regularly. Remember to pray for Zac's safety and for my situation with the house, car and job search. Much love to you all!

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